The Cuckoo Club
by clwilson
Summary: David and Colby get the worst Assingment ever. NOT Slash. Now Complete.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I own no Numb3rs. Other far more talented people do.

Summary: David and Colby get the worst assignment possible. NOT Slash.

The Cuckoo Club

Don watched the rest of his team laughing over their early morning coffee in the break room. They seemed abnormally happy for first thing on a Monday morning. Looking down at the LAPD file in his hand he ginned at Gary Walker standing next him.

"They'll hate me for this." he said.

"I thought you wanted to be more like me in your leadership skills." Gary smirked back at Don.

"Not this much." he replied waving the file. "Come on then, lets ruin this fine Monday morning."

Don knocked on the break window in time to interrupt Colby and David sword fighting with coffee stirrers. They looked at him trying to pull innocent faces. He waved the file and nodded at the war room.

Colby dropped his coffee stick into his mug and David hid his behind his back. As all three of them trooped across the bull pen and into the War room.

He picked the remote up for the screens and flicked it at them. Six faces appeared on the the screen a row of three young white men and a row of three young black men.

"Six men killed, over the last four weeks. All shot at close range with a 9mm and bodies dumped in the trash near each victims home." He launched into his briefing without preamble."All six victims are pretty average. Late twenties early thirties, nothing in their history, a couple of speeding fines and a parking ticket. All educated to high school level, all in ten buck and hour employment." He glanced at Gary then turned to face his team now they had settled.

Don continued, "The only interesting fact is all six victims have a membership with the Cuckoo Club downtown." he looked at the team, all three sporting blank looks "yeah I'd never heard of it either, it's pretty exclusive. LAPD have done all the ground work for this one already" he nodded at Gary, who took over the briefing.

"The Cuckoo Club, exclusive membership only, Each night is themed. Ticket entry only. We have two guest tickets for this week. And a warrant for the suspects arrest, one James ReVere. 39 Male Black, no known address." Gary paused his eyes flicking back to the file, "He has posted confessions on an Internet website. He says he will strike again, once a week on Tuesday until he has _"eradicated this evil menace" _his words not mine. And the only place we're sure he goes is this club."

"So he's due to strike again tomorrow night." Megan spoke "At this Cuckoo Club."

"Yeah." Said Gary "We just need you guys to go in and pick him up." he looked around the room.

"Colby's the undercover guy." David pointed out.

"Well this exclusive club only accepts couples." Gary said.

"Hey Mrs. Granger fancy some undercover work." David grinned at Megan as she slapped his arm.

"Actually" Don interrupted, "the killer is only targeting mixed race couples."

"Well then, looks like you'll be Mrs. Sinclair then." the grin moving from David's face to Colby's.

"Erm. Well No." Don grinned at Gary. "The killer is only targeting mixed race gay couples" he pointed at the six men on the screen behind him. Turning back to his team to see Megan and Gary openly laughing and Colby and David looking at each other in shock.

"Tuesday Night is Gay Night" He tried to stop the grin on his own face but couldn't.

The End

A/N: I am not anti-gay in any way, I just think it would be quite funny to watch David and Colby try.


	2. Preparation

Disclaimer: I own no Numb3rs. Other far more talented people do.

Summary: David and Colby get the worst assignment possible. NOT Slash.

A/N: This was supposed to be a one-shot, and leave the rest to your own imaginations, but I had forgotten how huge Plot bunnies get when you acknowledge their existence.

The Cuckoo Club – Preparation

Don and Charlie exited the elevator and approached the bull pen, just in time for Megan to catch the grin on Charlie's face "As a Couple" he exclaimed. And she realized what they were talking about.

"Yep." said Don. "Tonight, and they'll be under complete surveillance the whole time."

"I thought this was a covert operation." Megan interrupted, "I've already had three support staff up here from the first floor and the guy from the mail room has been by twice." She still couldn't hide the faint grin on her face, "the whole building knows!"

"So where are they anyway?" asked Don.

"I sent them home to _get ready, _they were starting to bask in all the attention, and then Colby announced he wouldn't kiss David unless he shaved off his goatee, and things were starting to get out of hand, so they had to go."

"Fair enough," Don agreed, "What time should they be back here?"

"Four PM." Megan replied, "that will give us four hours of preparation, and hopefully a lot of the office staff will be gone soon after."

"Aw." Charlie looked at his watch, "I'm going to miss it all, I have a lecture this afternoon and Office hours this evening."

"Well thanks for lunch, Chuck." Don called after a disappearing Charlie.

"Don't call me chuck!" wafted back across the bull pen as Charlie made his way to the elevators.

xxxxxxxxx

At five minutes past four Megan was trying not to watch the clock by fiddling with random stationery items on her desk. After wasting half a strip of staples she had moved onto arranging pencils into squares, when one rolled off the desk and dropped onto the floor.

Sighing she bent to pick it up. Pencil in one hand, her field of vision was filled by a pair of shiny black cowboy boots with little steel toe caps.

Her eyes followed the image upwards. Tight leather pants skimmed the toned legs, stretching over the thighs, she tried not to stare at the leather coated package, but couldn't help it.

She sat up in her chair and continued to stare. Tucked into the so very tight leather pants was an even tighter pristine white t shirt, every inch of the perfect chest was smoothed by the immaculate fabric. Her eyes continued the last part of their journey to the face. Her jaw dropped when she saw Colby smirking at her, his hip resting on the edge of her desk, what little hair he had was spiked upwards. Before she could speak she caught a breath of whatever cologne he was wearing, and thought she could breathe in forever.

"Wow!" was the only word her brain would produce at that moment..

He leaned closer to her "Sorry babe," he purred "it's all for David."

"So where do we stick the wire then Granger?" Don was smirking again.

"Hey I'm too hot for a wire." Colby ran his hands up and down his chest. Megan had to turn away, only to catch sight of David heading their way.

Megan had no choice but to bury her head in her hands as David sauntered across the room. Clearly putting too much effort into swinging his hips.

David was also wearing far too tight pants, but this time in a pale wash denim over a pair of cowboy boots identical to Colby's. His t shirt was just as tight as Colby's and showed a matching perfect chest, however David's was a pale pink color. And as per Colby's request he had shaved his beard.

"Partner!" David crowed flinging his arms around Colby.

"Aw. You shaved for me buddy." Colby admired Davids clean shaven chin.

It was too much for Megan and she dissolved into fits of giggles. Excusing herself she dashed of to the Ladies room.

Don just nodded at the war room, trying to keep Colby and David under control.

Megan returned to the war room, far more under control than she had been, but almost instantly regretted it. Both Colby and David were now topless and arguing over to where to stick the wire's they were required to wear.

Don was no-where to been seen, but before Megan could ask after him Gary Walker joined them.

He stared at Colby and David for a moment a glimmer of a smile on his lips.

"They're worried about the wire's," he murmured to Megan, "where they gonna stick their guns?"

TBC.


	3. The Dance Floor

Disclaimer: I own no Numb3rs. Other far more talented people do.

Summary: David and Colby get the worst assignment possible. NOT Slash.

A/N: Wow! Reviews! Thanks for reading.

The Cuckoo Club – The Dance Floor

"Man I feel so naked without my gun," Colby grumbled, sitting in the passenger seat of David's Red Jeep.

"Man I feel naked with with clothes on." David replied. "And how come we get to go in my car." he added.

"Well think about it," Colby smirked. "Megan's right, it is a cute car for a guy to be driving."

"I could choose to take offense at the fact Megan thinks my car is cute." David groused.

"Hey when it comes to car's and Megan you need to remember what Fleinhart drives."

The two men chuckled to each other.

"If you're going to discuss my private life, you might want to do it when you're not wired." Megan's voice was all crackly in their ear pieces.

"Megan. I settle for more than arm's length with you." Colby replied.

"Ow!" both men held a hand to their ears in pain over the squeak of feedback that was the reply to Colby's comments.

"Some of us are trying to get some work done." Don's voice replaced Megan's in their ears.

"Right on it, Don." David said, watching Colby put both their guns in the glove compartment.

"Hate leaving that behind." muttered Colby "Going in there armed just with a cell phone."

"Well you could put your gun where Walker suggested." grinned David.

Colby glared at him.

"You practice that look in the mirror?" David asked, "Cos man I'm wounded. You're practically armed there."

Colby whacked David on the arm. "Can we go already?"

"Sure." David said "get your party feet on, you're buying the first round."

xxxxxxxxxx

David pulled the jeep away from the curb, and they managed to drive the two blocks to the club in silence. Choosing not to use the valet parking at the exclusive club David parked the jeep in the open lot on the opposite side of the street. Both men jumped out of the vehicle, and nodding at each other they crossed the road. As they approached the Club Colby grabbed David's hand, raising his eyebrows at the look David gave him, he produced the pair of guest tickets that Lt. Walker had got them and showed them to the bouncer on the door.

He looked up and down both Colby then David with a slight smile, "Welcome to the Cuckoo Club." He said waving them in. 

Colby and David entered the darkened hallway, taking the four or five steps to the double swing doors with trepidation. Taking a door handle each they pushed the doors open and stood side by side in the doorway.

"Oh My God" Colby said.

David was too awestruck to even comment.

"What is it?" Megan was back in their ear pieces.

"Wow!" Colby said for the team listening in "so many mirrors!"

There were several posts holding up the ceiling all with mirrored sides, and chrome legged mirror topped tables placed around a dance floor with several mirrored tiles in it. They moved further into the club. A long bar stretched down one side, with long mirrors behind it, and the top was also mirrored. The Club was fairly full of similarly dressed men, dancing to the fast beat pounding in the air. There were several empty tables but the bar was fairly crowded with a line of men in tight t shirts of varying colors.

"See, we fit right in." Colby whispered to David.

They made their way to the bar, Colby squeezed himself between a guy in a yellow t shirt and one in a matching white one. Trying to catch the barman's attention.

"Hey" the guy in the yellow shirt undressed Colby with his eyes. "Get you a drink?"

"Sure." Colby smiled at the man in Yellow. 

"Actually he's with me." David leaned between them. And grabbed Colby's arm, pulling him away from the bar. "Flirt on your own time." 

Colby pouted, stuck with David as they wandered through the club. Towards the back, furthest from the door they had come in by, there were half a dozen maroon padded booths, these had mirrors on the ceilings.

"Gee David, more mirrors." Colby pointed out unnecessarily. David ran his hand over his now hairless chin.

"Hmmm. Not sure I like this." He muttered looking at himself in one of the many mirrors. Colby slapped him in the chest.

All the booths were full of couples, mostly already making out.

"You spot our guy?" Colby whispered, leaning close to David "you you just looking?"

"Guys please, you're there to work." Megan's voice could barely be heard over the music.

"Let's check the dance floor." David decided, dragging Colby away from the smooching couples in the booths.

Finding a gap on the dance floor was nearly impossible, so they settled for leaning casually against on of the mirrored supports.

After a few minutes Colby started to jiggle a little on the spot.

"Jeez Man, do you need the bathroom?" David was staring at Colby, He was getting a little fed up of this, if this was all their evening had in store, staring at men dancing, and drinking and making out all night.

"Gotta dance." Colby said, wiggling his hips a bit more in time to the music. "Dance with me partner."

He had hold of David's hand again. Despite the volume of the music, David could still hear laughter in his ear piece as he allowed Colby to pull him nearer the center of the dance floor. 

Once there Colby started to wiggle around waving his hands in the air. David stared at him, barely moving.

"What the hell are you doing?" he yelled towards Colby. 

"Dancing!" Came the reply. "For a Black guy you have no rhythm." Colby grabbed David hands in an attempt to wave them about madly. David pulled himself free of Colby's grasp. 

"I have rhythm, whatever it is you're doing is NOT dancing." David turned to leave Colby on his own. Before Colby could make a move to follow, a figure blocked his path, it was Yellow shirt from the bar.

"Let him go." Yellow shirt got close enough to Colby to whisper in his ear, "I love your moves cupcake." 

Yellow shirt proceeded to shimmy around Colby waving his arms in the air. Colby watched David sulk back to the mirrored post, and shrugged, and joined Yellow shirt in the mad arm waving dance.

David watched Colby and Yellow shirt dancing for a few moments, then he remembered the only weapon they had come armed with, he pulled the slimline cell phone from his pocket, hoping that it took photo's. 

He moved around the dance floor to get a better shot of Colby, and clicked two pictures, before Colby's instinct kicked in and he looked up. Colby face was worthy of another shot, then David snapped the phone shut and disappeared into the crowd.

Colby reached the edge of the dance floor, Yellow shirt hanging off his arm. "Forget him." Yellow Shirt purred in Colby's ear. "I'll look after you cupcake."

"Sorry." Colby shrugged the guy of him arm. "He has the car keys." and pushed into the crowd in search of David. He found him leaning on the end of the bar, two bottles of beer by his elbow. David offered one of the bottle's to Colby as a peace offering. Colby took the bottle and took a small sip. 

"Shall we do some work" David waved the proverbial white flag.

"Sure, if you think you're capable." Colby replied glaring at David. 

"Well if you want to go back to your new boyfriend" David didn't get to finish, Colby smacking him in the chest yet again distracted him.

"Work" Colby stated. And they moved of together to circulate the club, looking for their suspect.

xxxxxxxxx

Two hours later, they had circuited the Club a dozen times, checking the tables, booths and dance floor each time, they had even checked the men's room several times. They were now back at the end of the bar, leaning with their heads close together to talk to Megan.

"He's definitely not in here." Colby said.

"Can't you just have someone watch the door." David said, they looked at each other.

"Why haven't we just done that all evening." Colby wondered.

"Because it was funnier this way." Megan said in the ear pieces. "Bedside's what do you think I've had Don and Gary doing all night." they could hear her smiling "Don's been approached three times, and Gary is sulking because no-one is interested in him."

"You mean we missed those two getting dressed up like us." Colby complained.

"No, they didn't bother," Megan said. "they're in ordinary street clothes."

"And Don's still getting hit on?" Colby asked. "What has that guy got that I don't?"

"Where do I start" replied Megan "Good looks, Talent, a sense of humor"

"Ow Reeves, you wound me." Colby tried to sound hurt, but it wasn't working.

"Call it a night, then" Megan instructed. "I'll pull Don and Gary in and we'll watch the door some more."

Colby and David, left their half finished bottles on the bar and made towards the exit. Halfway across the room, Colby was stopped by Yellow shirt. Who pressed a piece of paper in his hand.

"Call me." Yellow shirt whispered to Colby planting a chaste kiss on his cheek.

Colby flushed, and continued his journey from the Club. The bouncer slapped Colby on the butt as they were leaving, causing him to practically sprint across the road to the parking lot. David was fishing in his pocket for the keys.

"Come on cupcake." David smirked at Colby "Lets go find the rest of the team."

Neither of them noticed a tall slim Black man, watching them from the shadows.

TBC.


	4. The Car Park

Disclaimer: I own no Numb3rs. Other far more talented people do.

Summary: David and Colby get the worst assignment possible. NOT Slash.

A/N: Not too many funnies in this one. They are after a serial killer after all. The views expressed here are in no way in line with my own, the guy does need some reason for killing people..

The Cuckoo Club – The Parking Lot.

Colby rested his elbows on the roof of the jeep, and faced David on the other side.

"Need a hand getting those keys out, bud." He laughed at David struggling.

David was trying to pull the keys out of his pants pocket, they were caught on something and he was not paying the slightest attention to Colby. So he missed exactly what happened next.

Suddenly Colby felt a shove in the small of his back, it took him completely by surprise. He was pushed against the jeep, a muscular arm wrapped around his throat.

Colby let out a strangled cry, finally getting David's attention.

David automatically reached for his gun which wasn't there. So he held his hand's up. Looking at the guy holding Colby. It was Yellow shirt from the bar.

_But we're looking for a Black guy_ David thought crazily.

"What do you want?" David asked the guy. His ear piece was silent, he was hoping that the team had not already gone home, it had only been moments since they left the club, surely someone was still around to back them up.

"Just you're friend here." Yellow shirt replied pulling tighter on his grip around Colby's neck. Colby struggled and Yellow Shirt, produced a knife in his other hand.

"Steady now, Cupcake." he sneered in Colby's ear "Wouldn't want blood all on that lovely white shirt of yours."

"You're making a huge mistake." David told him

"Why because there's two of you and only one of me." Yellow shirt asked. "Well lets remedy that."

"James." he jelled into the darkness behind David.

Instinctively David turned toward the direction that Yellow shirt was calling, only to meet a fist halfway round, it caught him on the left cheek, and sent him slightly reeling. As he recovered he felt incredibly strong arms, snake their way round his torso and neck.

"I'd like you two to meet my good friend James." It was like they were still standing at the bar, being introduced. "James is a little slow up top, but he follows orders well enough."

James chuckled in David's ear.

"You see I have a little bit of an issue with guys like you," Yellow shirt continued, still squeezing Colby's neck. "You go ahead and poke what you like in each other, I don't care. But polluting the blood of the white man. It's hideous."

At that both David and Colby sprang in to action. David ground the heel of his cowboy boot into the other man's toes, and twisting round in his grip caught in in the stomach with his elbow. Colby took the more direct route of slamming his elbow back into Yellow shirt's face. Both attackers, groaned and loosened their grips. David took full advantage of this attackers momentary weakness and in seconds had their positions reversed, and the thinner man pressed up against the jeep his arm twisted up behind his back.

Colby came of worse, as Yellow shirt caught him on the shoulder with his knife, it sliced though the white shirt like butter, leaving a shocking red line from Colby's neck along the top of his shoulder. Colby barely felt it as he completed his turn, and lashed out at yellow shirt with a quick right hook and a kick in the shins with his steel pointed boots.

Yellow shirt screamed and raised his knife to strike back.

"FBI Freeze!" Don's commanding voice filled the parking lot easily. Yellow shirt froze, as nearly a dozen armed people converged on them. Both FBI and LAPD.

Don had his gun pushed up against Yellow shirt's ear.

"Drop. The. Knife. Now." He stated.

The knife clattered to the floor, and Don pulled yellow shirt away from Colby, throwing him on the hood of the jeep to cuff him.

The red stain on Colby's shoulder was spreading rapidly. Colby was talking deep gulps of air, he slumped against the jeep.

David was handing over his attacker to another agent, "James DeVere." he told the agent. "He's the one we were looking for tonight." when Don's shout for the medic drew his attention. He looked up in time to see Colby slide down the side of the jeep onto the floor.

"No!" David was round the jeep in a shot, he beat the medic to Colby's side.

He immediately put in hands over the wound on Colby's shoulder applying pressure.

Colby looked at him. "It's only a scratch" he whispered "I just want to sit for a bit" he added.

The medic arrived, by now almost a third of Colby's once pristine white t shirt was dark red.

"May have just nicked the artery." he said pulling a pack of gauze from his kit he pushed David to one side. Applying the gauze directly over the t shirt. A second medic arrived with a gurney and got to work.

Don hefted Yellow shirt of the hood of the jeep, and dragged him to a nearby Police car, David followed, his hands still covered in Colby's blood.

Yellow shirt saw him and started shouting at him. "You taint the white man's bloodline" he screamed as Don roughly shoved him in the car.

"You moron." David spat at the vehicle "You need a woman to continue any kind of bloodline."

They watch the car pull away.

"Come on." Don said to David. "Let's go find out how Colby is."

Colby was just being loaded into the back of an ambulance. He was conscious, which was good.

David approached the rear of the ambulance.

"the bleeding is slowing but the cut is quite deep." the medic said without being asked.

"You're going to be fine" Don called into the back of the ambulance.

"Great timing." was Colby's only reply.

The doors slammed shut and the ambulance roared off into the night.

Don led David across the lot to his car.

"I'll run you to the hospital, you should get your face checked. "LAPD will sort out your jeep."

David nodded and got into Don's car. They drove off in silence in the same direction the ambulance had gone in.

xxxxxxxxxx

David had been checked, and given pain killers and was now waiting alone for news of Colby. Don and Megan had gone with Gary Walker to check on the arrested men. A couple of hours had passed when David was approached.

"Friend of Agent Granger." a softly spoken, very young doctor said.

"Yes" David stood.

"I'm Dr. Edwards." the young man said. "Agent Granger is going to be fine, the cut was clean and straight, missed the artery. He's all patched up. We're giving him a couple of unit's of blood to replace what he lost, but he'll be O.K. to go home tomorrow."

"Thank you" David breathed out a huge sigh of relief.

"Would you like to see him?" Dr. Edwards asked. "I'll have a nurse show you to his room. They're just moving him out of ER now."

"Yes please." David sounded too eager even to his own ears.

"This way then." the doctor led David to the nurses station.

"This is Mr..?" he looked at David.

"Sinclair." David finished for him.

"Mr Sinclair." the doctor continued. "He's with Agent Granger. Would someone show him upstairs to Agent Granger room?"

"Sure Dr. Edwards, no problem." and David was handed over to a slim blond nurse.

She led him to the elevator and escorted up two floors and to Colby's room. Where she left him. She returned to the nurse's station to be greeted by her friend.

"Why are all the hot men gay?" the nurse moaned to her friend.

Her friend laughed.

"They're still worth looking at." she mused.

They laughed together as they returned to work.


	5. Aftermath

Disclaimer: I own no Numb3rs. Other far more talented people do.

Summary: David and Colby get the worst assignment possible. NOT Slash.

The Cuckoo Club – Aftermath

Colby was propped up in the hospital bed, an IV was delivering a unit of blood, and a heart monitor sounded it reassuring continual beep in the background. David sat in a chair by the side of his bed, His face swelling beautifully purple and gray and his eye all bloodshot.

"That's the last date I go on with you." Colby whispered, his voice was huskier than usual, his neck was showing some great purple bruising.

"What, didn't I show you a good time?" David tried to look suitably offended. "I bought you a beer, you got to Dance, and we caught the bad guy. What more do you want?"

"Sex." Colby said without thinking.

"I absolutely cannot help you with that." David pulled back from the bed. "Though some of those nurses are quite cute."

Megan entered the room to catch the last part of David's sentence.

"That's funny." She said "That's exactly the word those two nurse's out there used to describe you two."

David frowned.

"Cute." Megan said "They're out there right now discussing what a cute couple you two make."

"I want a new partner." Colby muttered. "I'm having enough trouble getting a date without the whole world thinking I'm seeing him." He gestured towards David.

Megan laughed.

"I just thought you'd like an update." She said "James DeVere, although mentally incapacitated, has confessed to all the killings, on the instruction of his friend Richard Meers. Who has done nothing but spout racist abuse since we got him in the car."

David sighed.

"He makes no apology for his actions, and admits to instructing DeVere to the killing. It's pretty simple from here. DeVere get's a nice comfortable bed in a maximum security mental hospital and Meers get life with the sort of people he hates most. We might even push for the death penalty." Megan finished.

David didn't say anything, and Colby just nodded.

"So when you getting out of here?" Megan asked Colby.

"Tomorrow I hope." he replied "I have to have another unit of blood after this one, and change the dressing in the morning. I didn't even get stitches, they glued the cut."

"Leaves less of a scar that way." she told him.

Colby nodded again, he was getting tired.

At that point Don and Gary Walker came in.

"How you doing Granger, Sinclair." Gary asked them.

"Fine." they both replied together.

"Well another day ends good." Gary continued "We got the bad guy, all our people came home alive. And I got some excellent photos to pass around the office." he patted his jacket pocket, a sly smile on his face.

"Yeah those photos are worth the whole evening." Don agreed.

"Photo's?" Colby's voice sounded like his was being strangled again, he glanced at David. "You said they came out to blurry to see anything."

"You can see plenty." David said backing further away from the bed.

"Oh Man." Colby groaning burying his face in his one free hand. "I so want a new partner."

"Well it could have been worse." Gary pointed out.

"How so?" Don asked him.

"It could have happened on a Thursday." Gary said.

"What's so special about Thursday's at the Cuckoo Club?" Megan asked him.

"Thursday Night is Swingers night." Gary said.

The End.


End file.
